In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my clients have come to see me about, there has always been an issue about a better relationship.
Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have related to me about having a better relationship. These misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of them.
I have to love everything about my partner
Reality Check 1
You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.
Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.
Love means that I can fix my partner
Reality Check 2
You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.
You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.
I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.
Reality Check 3
Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.
Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.
When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.
I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour
Reality Check 4
You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.
Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship.
You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.
It cost a lot to be in a relationship
Reality Check 5
In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.
Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream.
Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.
Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling
Reality Check 6
It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, “I love you” which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.
If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.
I don’t have to work at my relationship
Reality Check 7
As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.
These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.
When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it’s like 2 tape recorders talking to each other – Nobody is at home to enjoy a better relationship.
- 1. Your partner’s behavior in a better relationship is not your partner’s true essence.
- 2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better relationship requires some variety.
- 3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.
- 4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just equal partners.
- 5. Love in a better relationship is not about money and the material assets (although there are important) but the simple things in life.
- 6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.
- 7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better relationship.
Fifty Shades Trilogy (Fifty Shades of Grey / Fifty Shades Darker / Fifty Shades Freed)